I'm a 69er © by adrian

I've been waiting since I was a giggling teenager to be able to legitimately say that to anybody who asks. Up till now whenever I've said I was a 69er it was always, how should I put this, tongue in cheek? So go ahead, ask me how old I am. Please?

I'm a 69er. Lord knows that's the truth. Let's go down in this laneway and I'll show you mine if you show me yours. Actually, I really don't care if you show me yours, but if you want we could do it together. I'll pull out mine and if you like what you see you could let me see yours and then we can put them together to see how they match up. Trust me, this could be a lot of fun.

What is your problem? I'm talking birth certificates here.

I'm a 69er. Don't worry about the raincoat I'm wearing, you can never be too careful these days. It could start raining at any moment, so I leave it on just in case. That's how come I wear it so loose, in case I need to open it (sorry, I mean take it off) in a flash.

The boots? That's just so I can run fast. You get really good traction when you have rubber on your soles. It's always best to keep your rubbers on you know, it's so much safer. Again, these days you can never be too careful. Seeing as I'm a 69er I love to do a lot of exercises and I love to run fast. Running is an exercise, isn't it?

That drool running down my chin? Nah, that's nothing either. Almost all of us 69ers drool a little bit just thinking about it. Me? I like thinking about it when I'm standing in line very close behind you at a checkout counter in the grocery store. I guess it must be all that edible stuff hanging about and sitting on the shelves I keep thinking about that makes me drool. I just love the fact that if I pick up almost anything I can usually start eating it right away.

I mostly think of the drooling as pre lube, just in case you turn around and ask me how old I am. I want everything to be really moist in there so there will be no hesitation as I move my tongue around in my mouth to form the words "I'm a 69er." I want to make sure you get the point. I don't believe there's such a thing as overkill when it cums to making an important point and I want to be sure my lips won't get stuck together if you give me the opportunity to interact with you. That would be very bad form for a professional like me. After all, you should have confidence that if you invite me to engage in communicating with you you're going to enjoy what you get in return.

If you don't want to go down with me in this lane we could go over to the park. There's a really nice bench there we could stretch out on. Us 69ers call the bench over there the G Spot because as you enter the park it's right near the big Gate. If you don't know where the G Spot is I would be more than happy to show it to you. It's really very delightful there and it's surrounded by a beautiful huge bush. Whenever I get the opportunity I just love to forage about in that bush. I did some photos of Linda Lovelace once and she told me she had heard about the G Spot, but I think she was confused because she said it wasn't by the big Gate in the park at all, but it was in her throat.

When I was involved in the swinging world I belonged to a couple of 69er clubs. I even ran some seminars at international conventions of swingers a few times but I assure you those 69er clubs were something totally different. They definitely didn't have anything at all to do with age. I did get connected (as it were) to a lot of really nice people though, regardless of their age. We mostly hung out a lot and sort of just chewed the fat.

Wait a minute; I think I hear a police car siren coming this way. This might be a really good time to show you how fast I can run. Would you like to see me run?

Just before I run off though I hope you won't think it too cheeky of me if I mention that I sure hope all you other 69ers out there have an enjoyably tasty year too...

Happy birthday you old 69er... Now that's a mouthful, isn't it? A bit of a tongue twister, really.

Whoever would have guessed I'd still be daydreaming about the joys of being a 69er after all these years.

Some oldsters collect stamps but not me, not yet. As long as you all keep saying "Why not?" whenever I ask, it still looks like I will continue to have something else to chew on. Hey, we all need some kind of hobby to keep us active and alert. You know what I mean don't you? We should all have something to do that helps keep the juices flowing.

At your age you better rest up boy... this may take the better part of a full year.

So go ahead; ask me how old I am. Please?